How do you stay sane when everything and everyone in your life is trying to be as insane as they possibly can be? How am I supposed to maintain any level of stability and sanity when I am constantly being slammed by others insanity? Well, I pray alot, and I try to stay focused, and I try to be supportive, and I try to keep my hope alive. So far it's working, but just barely. My girlfriend is going crazy, she has her own problems and her own issues to deal with. My mom is going crazy, she also has her own problems and issues to deal with. My friends from AA have always been crazy, and some of them are having trouble getting back to a manageable level of crazy. I'm surrounded by crazy! How am I supposed to deal with all this? My own problems are falling to the wayside. I'm not even worried about my own shit anymore, so what if I go to jail, it was easier there. How's that for a crazy thought, jail is easier than the problems other people are shoving down my throat? I obviously think I can do more good on the outside, and it is definately a better thing for me to be out and free, but wow, jail was easier than life outside.
In the real world, there is so much more to worry about than if my commisary is going to get stolen, if I'm gonna have to stand up to the gangbanger that's talking shit, if I'm gonna have to worry about my cellie doing something stupid and having the CO's come down on us both. Out here, people really are crazy and really do things to hurt you and drive you nuts. My life was simpler when I didn't have God, when I didn't care, when I was wasted all the time. I have no desire to go back to that state, but man was it easier. It's hard to live a normal good life, when everything seems to be working against me.
I know that the world is not against me, and I know that God has a plan for me, and I know that I'm supposed to learn from these experiences, and I know that things will work out one way or another, I just wish it would happen sooner. This can't last much longer. My life has to start leveling out soon right? I mean, come on, really, what the hell? I know I'm overreacting a bit, and I'm being a little too sensitive, but if I told you exactly what was going on, I doubt you would be able to handle it all. I wish I could put it all down here, but out of respect for the individuals involved, I can't, but I wish I could, it might help this whole post make more sense. I know all the right things to do, I know all the right things to say. I know how to handle the situations, but knowing doesn't make acting any easier. Knowing doesn't make dealing any easier. Man real life is hard. God must really have something big planned for me, because he sure is working hard to teach me some lessons.
I want to live the life that God has planned for me, I want to do what is right and be the person I know I can be, but man, is this difficult. I mean come on now, there has to be a limit right? There is only so much someone can be expected to take. Well, I guess I haven't reached that limit yet. I guess there is more that I can take, I guess there is more I can learn, I guess there always will be. The best I can do is keep praying, keep hoping, and keep my faith and my spirit intact. Try to help a little more, try to work a little harder, try to love a little more. God has a plan, I've surrendered my will to Him, I trust Him, He'll guide me through this all, but man, it's really hard.
Monday, September 24, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
A reply to Micky's comments on AA and Christ
Please read the comments made on the "An Update" post for background information of this post.
Micky,
I appreciate the comments and concern. I to thought AA was very cultish at first, and still do in some ways. I have my own spirituality, not found through AA, but through Christ. I had one of those stereotypical Jailhouse conversions, but it was so much more! I truly felt the love of God, and the protection we receive from Christ. AA can be a brainwashing sect, but I think that is kind of their point, to brainwash you into getting over the alcoholism, replacing your addiction for drinking with an addiction for meetings. I have been cutting back on my meetings, mainly to spend more time at church and in Bible studies, plus I am finally returning to school to finish up my degree in psychology. I truly appreciate your concern for my well being and am a bit sorry that you have such a negative outlook towards AA. I don't think they are the end all be all of recovery and there are many other programs and ways to go about it. I hope you have found a better way, It sounds like you have, but you still seem so bitter. Maybe it's just a difference in groups, the meetings I have gone to, and I chose then very carefully, to make sure I didn't hit the cultish aspects, are actually pretty good, while there is emphasis on the dogmatic crap of AA, they are more focused on the actual recovery, rather than the method in which it is obtained. I'm definitely not emotionless. I have seen some of what you are talking about in certain groups, and I avoid them like the plague!
I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I do believe that a life in and for Christ is the only sure way of reaching that light. I have had many conversations with my pastor in this regard, and I fully believe that I am moving in the right direction, AA and the 12 steps aside. As far as the steps go, I think they are helpful, if only in clearing out the closet. I have many skeletons in my closet, and as a student of psychology, I know that those skeletons are bogging me down and holding me back, I constantly pray that I receive guidance from God in how to deal with the situation. I wish I could afford therapy, or a counselor, and I went to school with too many people who became social workers and the people I could afford, I wouldn’t trust them with anything, especially my mental health. If I could afford actual therapy I would do it and I'm sure I would see similar results to what I am seeing now, plus a therapist has you do the 12 steps anyway, only instead of sitting down and doing formal step work, you clear out your closet while talking to the therapist over the course of many sessions.
I can easily relate without spouting AA propaganda, in fact I hate doing that, I was simply recommending the book to those who may have an interest. (The "Update" actually started as a letter to my Grandparents, so it was more for their benefit than anyone else’s). At this point I have weekly meetings with my Pastor and we discuss all of this, and things are going well. I don’t think anything in AA is overtly anti-Christian, but it is certainly not solely a Christian organization, they use the language they do so as not to exclude any particular religion, a Buddhist would never go if he had to convert his religion as well, neither would a Jew, Muslim, or Hindu, they want to make the program accessible to all, and in the long run it has worked.
The bible teaches tolerance, and also says that in the end, all will be forced to recognize Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind (Philippians 2:9-11). This means even those who have not been saved through Christ will have to reconcile with the fact in the end. On the whole AA has helped millions to at least find stability that they didn't have while drinking and it has also lead many people to lead more spiritual lives, Regardless of what that spiritual belief may be. It is the job of true Christians to spread the gospel though, and AA gives us a bit of a head start when it comes to that, many people who would never have accepted Christ are at the very least, made more receptive of the idea, it is up to us Christians to help them find Christ, not AA. As the stupid phrase goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink." I think that all too often Christians forget the fact that we are supposed to be tolerant of others as Christ was, and preach to gentiles and believers alike.
God will make himself known to those who are ready, and he will not forsake those who try to understand him. We Christians often take too much pride in the perfection of our way, and forget the true meaning of being a Christian, we have accepted Christ and we are supposed to preach the gospel, but we are not to judge others or condemn them, that is for God to do, it is not our place to condemn, merely to bring the word, and try to help others in need. Christ taught us to lead a life of peace and love, not book burning and hatred for those who don't agree with us. Christ never said that it is our duty to put down our neighbors, but to lift them up and show them the way. I would recommend, when it comes to trying to lead people away from the cultish aspects of AA that you try to do so without so much bitterness and anger, I can understand that they may be completely justified, but is that the Christ like way of doing things? Did Christ ever react with such bitterness and anger aside from the money changers incident?
I’m deeply sorry that you had such a negative experience with AA and I am greatly impressed that you have found a better way! The important thing is that you are still sober, that you have found Christ, and that you are trying to help others, this is quite commendable! God has a plan for you, and I’m sure that going through the things you did in AA was part of that plan. Think of the lessons it taught you, both good and bad, all things are learning experiences, and we are to find Joy in all things especially suffering. The fourth fruit of the spirit is Patience/long-suffering, and it is through this that we are actually brought closer to Christ. I will pray for you, that you are able to overcome the anger I read in your words, living with anger towards anything is not healthy. God loves all of his creations, even the Devil, God is perfect and does not make mistakes, therefore, everything that happens is exactly what was supposed to happen, and everything we feel is a test of our spiritual commitment to Christ and our willingness to accept God’s will and live through his example.
For the record, none of the posts on this blog, except for the "Update" were written after I found God, in fact they were written when I was severely anti-Christian. My attempt at explaining God through physics is not my AA “God of my understanding” crap, I truly believe that Christ and God are one, that Christ is the savior of all mankind, and that the Holy Spirit works though us. I also believe that given time, we will be able to understand these things through physics, although, I believe that when this understanding is complete, there will be no further use for science, because we are only able to truly understand everything when we die. If man were to suddenly stumble upon scientific proof of God, and be able to fully understand everything, I think the world would cease to be. Our brain is not capable of understanding and grasping the concept of perfection, anymore than we are able to be perfect.
I am truly happy that you took the time to write such thought provoking comments and I greatly appreciate your concern for my well fare, it seems you are the first person, to actually try to help me to work through the confusion of my mind and soul through this blog, and for that I am truly grateful. God works through all of us and he does mysterious things, and because of this, I do believe that your comments were inspired by God, I just wish that you were able to be more at peace with the ideas you have. We don’t have to accept everything we are taught and told, but we should do our best not to hate and despise any of these things as well, bitterness is a poison in the soul, and while our soul is poisoned and filled with bitterness, anger, and hatred, I think that God has a harder time getting through to us. I may be way off base here, but I do believe that there is a way for you to express your dislike for AA, or at least reconcile the negativity of your experience into a positive approach. Thank you so much for your thoughts and concerns, God Bless you!
Micky,
I appreciate the comments and concern. I to thought AA was very cultish at first, and still do in some ways. I have my own spirituality, not found through AA, but through Christ. I had one of those stereotypical Jailhouse conversions, but it was so much more! I truly felt the love of God, and the protection we receive from Christ. AA can be a brainwashing sect, but I think that is kind of their point, to brainwash you into getting over the alcoholism, replacing your addiction for drinking with an addiction for meetings. I have been cutting back on my meetings, mainly to spend more time at church and in Bible studies, plus I am finally returning to school to finish up my degree in psychology. I truly appreciate your concern for my well being and am a bit sorry that you have such a negative outlook towards AA. I don't think they are the end all be all of recovery and there are many other programs and ways to go about it. I hope you have found a better way, It sounds like you have, but you still seem so bitter. Maybe it's just a difference in groups, the meetings I have gone to, and I chose then very carefully, to make sure I didn't hit the cultish aspects, are actually pretty good, while there is emphasis on the dogmatic crap of AA, they are more focused on the actual recovery, rather than the method in which it is obtained. I'm definitely not emotionless. I have seen some of what you are talking about in certain groups, and I avoid them like the plague!
I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and I do believe that a life in and for Christ is the only sure way of reaching that light. I have had many conversations with my pastor in this regard, and I fully believe that I am moving in the right direction, AA and the 12 steps aside. As far as the steps go, I think they are helpful, if only in clearing out the closet. I have many skeletons in my closet, and as a student of psychology, I know that those skeletons are bogging me down and holding me back, I constantly pray that I receive guidance from God in how to deal with the situation. I wish I could afford therapy, or a counselor, and I went to school with too many people who became social workers and the people I could afford, I wouldn’t trust them with anything, especially my mental health. If I could afford actual therapy I would do it and I'm sure I would see similar results to what I am seeing now, plus a therapist has you do the 12 steps anyway, only instead of sitting down and doing formal step work, you clear out your closet while talking to the therapist over the course of many sessions.
I can easily relate without spouting AA propaganda, in fact I hate doing that, I was simply recommending the book to those who may have an interest. (The "Update" actually started as a letter to my Grandparents, so it was more for their benefit than anyone else’s). At this point I have weekly meetings with my Pastor and we discuss all of this, and things are going well. I don’t think anything in AA is overtly anti-Christian, but it is certainly not solely a Christian organization, they use the language they do so as not to exclude any particular religion, a Buddhist would never go if he had to convert his religion as well, neither would a Jew, Muslim, or Hindu, they want to make the program accessible to all, and in the long run it has worked.
The bible teaches tolerance, and also says that in the end, all will be forced to recognize Christ as the son of God and the savior of mankind (Philippians 2:9-11). This means even those who have not been saved through Christ will have to reconcile with the fact in the end. On the whole AA has helped millions to at least find stability that they didn't have while drinking and it has also lead many people to lead more spiritual lives, Regardless of what that spiritual belief may be. It is the job of true Christians to spread the gospel though, and AA gives us a bit of a head start when it comes to that, many people who would never have accepted Christ are at the very least, made more receptive of the idea, it is up to us Christians to help them find Christ, not AA. As the stupid phrase goes, "you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make it drink." I think that all too often Christians forget the fact that we are supposed to be tolerant of others as Christ was, and preach to gentiles and believers alike.
God will make himself known to those who are ready, and he will not forsake those who try to understand him. We Christians often take too much pride in the perfection of our way, and forget the true meaning of being a Christian, we have accepted Christ and we are supposed to preach the gospel, but we are not to judge others or condemn them, that is for God to do, it is not our place to condemn, merely to bring the word, and try to help others in need. Christ taught us to lead a life of peace and love, not book burning and hatred for those who don't agree with us. Christ never said that it is our duty to put down our neighbors, but to lift them up and show them the way. I would recommend, when it comes to trying to lead people away from the cultish aspects of AA that you try to do so without so much bitterness and anger, I can understand that they may be completely justified, but is that the Christ like way of doing things? Did Christ ever react with such bitterness and anger aside from the money changers incident?
I’m deeply sorry that you had such a negative experience with AA and I am greatly impressed that you have found a better way! The important thing is that you are still sober, that you have found Christ, and that you are trying to help others, this is quite commendable! God has a plan for you, and I’m sure that going through the things you did in AA was part of that plan. Think of the lessons it taught you, both good and bad, all things are learning experiences, and we are to find Joy in all things especially suffering. The fourth fruit of the spirit is Patience/long-suffering, and it is through this that we are actually brought closer to Christ. I will pray for you, that you are able to overcome the anger I read in your words, living with anger towards anything is not healthy. God loves all of his creations, even the Devil, God is perfect and does not make mistakes, therefore, everything that happens is exactly what was supposed to happen, and everything we feel is a test of our spiritual commitment to Christ and our willingness to accept God’s will and live through his example.
For the record, none of the posts on this blog, except for the "Update" were written after I found God, in fact they were written when I was severely anti-Christian. My attempt at explaining God through physics is not my AA “God of my understanding” crap, I truly believe that Christ and God are one, that Christ is the savior of all mankind, and that the Holy Spirit works though us. I also believe that given time, we will be able to understand these things through physics, although, I believe that when this understanding is complete, there will be no further use for science, because we are only able to truly understand everything when we die. If man were to suddenly stumble upon scientific proof of God, and be able to fully understand everything, I think the world would cease to be. Our brain is not capable of understanding and grasping the concept of perfection, anymore than we are able to be perfect.
I am truly happy that you took the time to write such thought provoking comments and I greatly appreciate your concern for my well fare, it seems you are the first person, to actually try to help me to work through the confusion of my mind and soul through this blog, and for that I am truly grateful. God works through all of us and he does mysterious things, and because of this, I do believe that your comments were inspired by God, I just wish that you were able to be more at peace with the ideas you have. We don’t have to accept everything we are taught and told, but we should do our best not to hate and despise any of these things as well, bitterness is a poison in the soul, and while our soul is poisoned and filled with bitterness, anger, and hatred, I think that God has a harder time getting through to us. I may be way off base here, but I do believe that there is a way for you to express your dislike for AA, or at least reconcile the negativity of your experience into a positive approach. Thank you so much for your thoughts and concerns, God Bless you!
My First Novel
This was my first and only attempt at writing a song. The thing I am the most proud of is the pentameter, what do you think? I have music to go along with it (thanks to ACID, a very easy to use music program), but I don't know how to put it on here, and besides, I can't sing anyway! And yes, the name of the song is My First Novel, there's a long story behind that, but that's for another time.
There was a time
When I felt fine
There was a night
When things went right
I don't know
When things went wrong
I just hope
It wont last long
Who's this bitch
With me tonight
Did she make
Me feel alright
What am I
Supposed to do
Who am I
And who are you
I'm telling them
They're telling me
I'm feeling things
That I don't feel
I don't know
How I'll survive
I just hope
I'll keep my mind
All this time
I still can't see
All this pain
Was meant for me
What am I
Supposed to do
Who am I
And who are you
There was a time
When I felt fine
There was a night
When things went right
I don't know
When things went wrong
I just hope
It wont last long
Who's this bitch
With me tonight
Did she make
Me feel alright
What am I
Supposed to do
Who am I
And who are you
I'm telling them
They're telling me
I'm feeling things
That I don't feel
I don't know
How I'll survive
I just hope
I'll keep my mind
All this time
I still can't see
All this pain
Was meant for me
What am I
Supposed to do
Who am I
And who are you
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Another update
I have recently found many of my old papers and writings, unfortunately, they are all on paper, none of them are in an electronic format, so I will be slowly typing them up and adding them here. Eventually they will all make it. Just be patient, they'll make it, and they should be worth the wait.
On another note, I'm gonna start posting my notes and thoughts for my bible study on here as well, so those should be even more interesting, so, there will be more coming, I'm just not going to deal with it all right now. Too much effort, I just spent so much time, setting this thing up, I can't deal with any more.
On another note, I'm gonna start posting my notes and thoughts for my bible study on here as well, so those should be even more interesting, so, there will be more coming, I'm just not going to deal with it all right now. Too much effort, I just spent so much time, setting this thing up, I can't deal with any more.
An Update
I have recently spent a considerable amount of time on the phone with my sister Stesha, she is doing alright, we talk about God and religion as well as work and such, our last conversation was about heaven, hell, the concept of Physics in religion, and some of the books that we are both looking into or reading. I've just recently finished Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul, by John Eldredge. This was a book that her husband Brian recommended and read with some of the people at his church (he is a Baptist Youth Minister). It was a good read about taking risks and adventures in life, somewhat talked about in Christian circles because it takes some not quite conservative view points on some issues, but the essence of the book is that anything worth having is worth fighting for, and God will help you through as long as you fight for him, not fight in the physical sense of the word, but in the emotional, spiritual sense. It's a very good read and I would recommend it to all who would care to increase their spiritual arsenal. I'm going to loan my copy to my pastor because he said he has heard a lot about it.
I now have one of the books sent me to me in jail, Where in the World is God? By Harold Senkbail as our bathroom reading, filled with little 2 pages inspirational stories based on scripture passages and personal stories to further expand the scripture. As my "on the train or relaxing reading" I am currently reading St. Augustine's Confessions, A new Translation by Henry Chadwick, my Pastor bought it for me early on in our meetings because he said that I seemed to have a lot in common with St. Augustine when it comes to my past and my views on things, so far he is correct, I do identify with St. Augustine quite a bit, 1600 years later, and the same ideas are still popping up.
I am also still reading my Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, this is a good read for anyone, not just us drunks, about the power to overcome difficulties through spiritual awakenings and good fellowship, I would even go so far as to recommend it to you if you would like to learn more about some of the things I am going through. The personal stories are incredible, and the passage to the families of Alcoholics could turn out to be most enlightening, it's not an expensive book, new copies can be found for only about $7, but I'm sure you can find a used copy somewhere, the library may even have one. I'm reading the fourth addition, published by A.A. World Services Inc.
There is an AlAnon meeting that has started at my church on Tuesday nights, and I am encouraging Mom to attend. AlAnon is for the families of alcoholics, and they work on the 12 steps for themselves, in order to better their situation and ability to handle the things we drunks throw at them, even better for understanding what exactly my illness is. I'm on my 4th step now, and that is to make a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves and our misdeeds and the character defects that caused us to do the things we have done. I've been sober now 132 days. This step is probably one of the most difficult steps, because it requires the most self examination, and the opening up of doors that we wish would stay closed forever, addressing you demons and putting them down on paper. Not fun for anyone, but especially not fun for someone with my background in Psychology, I keep over analyzing myself and finding more and more stuff that I just don't want to deal with, but must in order to become healthy, selfishness is one of the biggest issues that keeps popping up.
I most recently finished Philippians in the Bible. Paul's joy filled letter to the Phillipian church from prison, focusing on finding Joy in Christ's gospel and ministry, regardless of your personal situation, It was very inspirational and gave me a lot of hope for the future, whatever may happen with this legal situation, God has a plan, and I must accept his will and know that he is with me, and will provide for me, even if I do end up in Jail. That's part of his plan, and he has a purpose for me, I just keep praying that he help me fulfill it, regardless of what I want. I've also been reading in Mark, Corinthians, Acts, Job, Psalms, Proverbs and Galatians quite a bit. I have also been asked to read passages from psalms and proverbs at church the past few weeks, this week it is Psalm 51, I love doing this, sharing the gospel whenever I can!
Every morning I read 24 Hours A Day, Daily Reflections, Wisdom From The Bible: Daily Thoughts From The Proverbs, and Daily Wisdom From The Bible, encouragement for Every Day. 2 of these books are strictly AA focused and provide thoughts, meditations, and Prayers for us drunks on a daily basis. The last 2 books provide passages from the bible, and personal stories or explanations that help to understand the passages. These are all set up so that each day, there is a different passage to read and they are supposed to start over at the beginning of the year. Each date has a specific scripture and message, they seem to always be exactly what I need for that day, strange how God works sometimes!
I am also paging through The Physics of Immortality by Frank Tipler. In this book, he tries to reconcile science and religion, sometimes stretching for the truth, but making a good point. He is of the opinion that science was created by God, and can be used to find God. Not in the Intelligent Design Vein, their science I still say is incredibly faulty, but through an actual physics based quantum theory. Membrane theory explains the idea of an infinite number of Universes with overlying principles and I would say that a perfect God, knows all of them, and has infinite knowledge, these parallel universes are every possibility of everything that ever could happen being manifest, all of the different choices we have and different paths we could go down, this helps me to understand the idea of free will with an omnipotent God, something I have always struggled with. I think God does know all the choices we will make, but he also knows all the choices we could have made and the outcome of all of them, he has a plan, and a desired route for us to travel, and whatever happens is his will because all things are possible in all realms, in all universes.
Without going into too much detail I believe that the singularity of modern physics is God, Physics proves that all things started and end with the singularity but they are unable to further define what it is or where it came from. I say God, not just because it's an easy answer but because it makes the most sense and I am not alone in this belief. I am also looking through The God Particle by Leon Lederman, This is a more straight up physics text book, but it seems to draw the same conclusion, without really getting into the theological debate aspect. There is a lot being done to reconcile God and science, because they have fought to explain the universe for so long, I think they are really quite complimentary when you look at them both with an open mind.
Scientists can be quite stubborn in saying that there is no God, and believers can be quite stubborn in saying that science doesn't have all the answers. My theory is that science may not have all the answers but that God gave us our brains and our sciences for a reason, and the further we go in expanding our knowledge of all things, the closer we come to a true understanding of God. I don't however think that that understanding can be achieved in Life, I think Heaven is not some place in the clouds with angels and harps, and any human characteristics, I think that Heaven is finally knowing, the absence of strife, finally understanding God and all things, becoming one with God, with the singularity of the universe, understanding his plan and all that has ever happened, being rid of our human nature that desires strife and conflict for survival, it's more ethereal than corporeal.
Oh I could go on at great length about all of this stuff, explaining more thoroughly, my theories about it all, including evolution and the like (I do believe in evolution, God created us in his own image, but we are evolving into it). But I think I've gone far enough for now. Suffice it to say, there is a God, He knows everything, and science is our way of trying to understand and explain what we can, without excluding God. I am seriously considering, given all that I have gone through, and all I think I have to share, going into the ministry. If I could answer the questions of one person, and help one person from falling into the traps of logic and blind faith in the totality of logic and our scientific knowledge, if I could have talked to someone like me when I was younger, I could have avoided so much pain and drama. I think that's why I went through it all, so that I can help others to avoid it, I can finally answer the questions I always asked, I can finally have faith in something more than my own ego, more than myself.
I now have one of the books sent me to me in jail, Where in the World is God? By Harold Senkbail as our bathroom reading, filled with little 2 pages inspirational stories based on scripture passages and personal stories to further expand the scripture. As my "on the train or relaxing reading" I am currently reading St. Augustine's Confessions, A new Translation by Henry Chadwick, my Pastor bought it for me early on in our meetings because he said that I seemed to have a lot in common with St. Augustine when it comes to my past and my views on things, so far he is correct, I do identify with St. Augustine quite a bit, 1600 years later, and the same ideas are still popping up.
I am also still reading my Alcoholics Anonymous Big Book, this is a good read for anyone, not just us drunks, about the power to overcome difficulties through spiritual awakenings and good fellowship, I would even go so far as to recommend it to you if you would like to learn more about some of the things I am going through. The personal stories are incredible, and the passage to the families of Alcoholics could turn out to be most enlightening, it's not an expensive book, new copies can be found for only about $7, but I'm sure you can find a used copy somewhere, the library may even have one. I'm reading the fourth addition, published by A.A. World Services Inc.
There is an AlAnon meeting that has started at my church on Tuesday nights, and I am encouraging Mom to attend. AlAnon is for the families of alcoholics, and they work on the 12 steps for themselves, in order to better their situation and ability to handle the things we drunks throw at them, even better for understanding what exactly my illness is. I'm on my 4th step now, and that is to make a fearless and searching moral inventory of ourselves and our misdeeds and the character defects that caused us to do the things we have done. I've been sober now 132 days. This step is probably one of the most difficult steps, because it requires the most self examination, and the opening up of doors that we wish would stay closed forever, addressing you demons and putting them down on paper. Not fun for anyone, but especially not fun for someone with my background in Psychology, I keep over analyzing myself and finding more and more stuff that I just don't want to deal with, but must in order to become healthy, selfishness is one of the biggest issues that keeps popping up.
I most recently finished Philippians in the Bible. Paul's joy filled letter to the Phillipian church from prison, focusing on finding Joy in Christ's gospel and ministry, regardless of your personal situation, It was very inspirational and gave me a lot of hope for the future, whatever may happen with this legal situation, God has a plan, and I must accept his will and know that he is with me, and will provide for me, even if I do end up in Jail. That's part of his plan, and he has a purpose for me, I just keep praying that he help me fulfill it, regardless of what I want. I've also been reading in Mark, Corinthians, Acts, Job, Psalms, Proverbs and Galatians quite a bit. I have also been asked to read passages from psalms and proverbs at church the past few weeks, this week it is Psalm 51, I love doing this, sharing the gospel whenever I can!
Every morning I read 24 Hours A Day, Daily Reflections, Wisdom From The Bible: Daily Thoughts From The Proverbs, and Daily Wisdom From The Bible, encouragement for Every Day. 2 of these books are strictly AA focused and provide thoughts, meditations, and Prayers for us drunks on a daily basis. The last 2 books provide passages from the bible, and personal stories or explanations that help to understand the passages. These are all set up so that each day, there is a different passage to read and they are supposed to start over at the beginning of the year. Each date has a specific scripture and message, they seem to always be exactly what I need for that day, strange how God works sometimes!
I am also paging through The Physics of Immortality by Frank Tipler. In this book, he tries to reconcile science and religion, sometimes stretching for the truth, but making a good point. He is of the opinion that science was created by God, and can be used to find God. Not in the Intelligent Design Vein, their science I still say is incredibly faulty, but through an actual physics based quantum theory. Membrane theory explains the idea of an infinite number of Universes with overlying principles and I would say that a perfect God, knows all of them, and has infinite knowledge, these parallel universes are every possibility of everything that ever could happen being manifest, all of the different choices we have and different paths we could go down, this helps me to understand the idea of free will with an omnipotent God, something I have always struggled with. I think God does know all the choices we will make, but he also knows all the choices we could have made and the outcome of all of them, he has a plan, and a desired route for us to travel, and whatever happens is his will because all things are possible in all realms, in all universes.
Without going into too much detail I believe that the singularity of modern physics is God, Physics proves that all things started and end with the singularity but they are unable to further define what it is or where it came from. I say God, not just because it's an easy answer but because it makes the most sense and I am not alone in this belief. I am also looking through The God Particle by Leon Lederman, This is a more straight up physics text book, but it seems to draw the same conclusion, without really getting into the theological debate aspect. There is a lot being done to reconcile God and science, because they have fought to explain the universe for so long, I think they are really quite complimentary when you look at them both with an open mind.
Scientists can be quite stubborn in saying that there is no God, and believers can be quite stubborn in saying that science doesn't have all the answers. My theory is that science may not have all the answers but that God gave us our brains and our sciences for a reason, and the further we go in expanding our knowledge of all things, the closer we come to a true understanding of God. I don't however think that that understanding can be achieved in Life, I think Heaven is not some place in the clouds with angels and harps, and any human characteristics, I think that Heaven is finally knowing, the absence of strife, finally understanding God and all things, becoming one with God, with the singularity of the universe, understanding his plan and all that has ever happened, being rid of our human nature that desires strife and conflict for survival, it's more ethereal than corporeal.
Oh I could go on at great length about all of this stuff, explaining more thoroughly, my theories about it all, including evolution and the like (I do believe in evolution, God created us in his own image, but we are evolving into it). But I think I've gone far enough for now. Suffice it to say, there is a God, He knows everything, and science is our way of trying to understand and explain what we can, without excluding God. I am seriously considering, given all that I have gone through, and all I think I have to share, going into the ministry. If I could answer the questions of one person, and help one person from falling into the traps of logic and blind faith in the totality of logic and our scientific knowledge, if I could have talked to someone like me when I was younger, I could have avoided so much pain and drama. I think that's why I went through it all, so that I can help others to avoid it, I can finally answer the questions I always asked, I can finally have faith in something more than my own ego, more than myself.
Critique of Allports Mature Religion
Ok so some of my views have changed since then, this was a paper I wrote in college, but some people have asked me to put it out there so here it is.
“Unless we are dealing with a religious genius – Christ being the example – we must not expect that the religious sentiment, even when mature, will be absolutely consistent” (Allport 64). Mature religion does not exist in its pure form. Those who supposedly practice an intrinsic faith are merely using better methods of justification and rationalization. Rather than allowing intellectual and moral paradoxes impede on their faith, they accept and explain away their doubts, while seeming to integrate them into their lives. Mature religion is possible primarily as a small factor of the overall religious experience. Immature religion thrives in its purest form as well as in combination with more intrinsic qualities. These mixtures compose pseudo-mature religious sentiments while allowing the blinders of faith to remain. No matter how integrated or internalized the religion is into a person’s life, the element of blind faith impedes its practice. Not to mention that these characteristics are based largely on alternating perceptions of reality and morality, both on the individual and social scale.
In Allport's classic study of religion and personality published in 1950, “the Individual and His Religion”, a mature personality is described as having three Objective attributes:
First a variety of psychogenic interests…which concern themselves with ideal objects and values beyond the range of viscerogenic [worldly] desire…second…is the ability to…be reflective and insightful about one’s own life…finally, a mature personality always has some unifying philosophy of life…(Allport 60)
These attributes must be present in order for maturity to exist. Allport defines sentiment as “interest, outlook, or system of beliefs” which are always the product of motivated organization or a system of readiness. When this system of readiness is ingrained, as in driving, it becomes habit. A sentiment does not need to be concrete and can be more abstract, as in devotion. When definitions for maturity and sentiment are applied to religion, the mature religious sentiment is seen as the readiness to react to central principles in life, which are permanent in reality in a manner consistent with one’s belief.
A mature religion is differentiated, meaning all interests are articulated into one thought. It will be dynamic, creating new meanings and motives based on religious sentiment. Following religion will cease to be “going with the flow,” as it becomes autonomous and comprehensive in nature. Mature religion is consistently directive of behavior in order to sustain morality, and direct one’s behaviors in a manner corresponding to their religious morals. The world makes sense, because paradoxes have been integrated into the self and the overall sentiment. Finally, the mature religious individual will have an underlying knowledge of a meaning in life, whether the meaning can be articulated in written or verbal form, or not.
Religious sentiment is more often than not immature. Immature religious sentiment best described, is like brushing your teeth, its habit, something you have to do because you were taught to. The earliest forms of religion in children, according to Allport, are egocentric, and self-gratifying in nature. The child’s imagination and perception control their view of reality. They will often attribute things such as thunderstorms, as personal punishment from God, “just as they think that Santa Claus, whom they often equate with God, pays primary attention to their own private interests” (Allport 32). They are able to easily and quickly justify and/or rationalize things that they perceive as sinful. “WHY?” the question is the most common out of a child’s mouth and when it is not answered, they often allow their imagination to create responses. They see power as the defining role, God is more powerful than dad, and therefore better, they also see God as a humanoid character, recently a superhero. They follow the subtle path of social learning, following their parents’ religion at first rebelling, and frequently returning.
As the child grows and begins to mature, their intelligence, or moral reasoning begins to raise paradoxes in their religion and they either drop it entirely, or follow the model of their elders and become less self-centered in their faith. Their egocentric desires and beliefs still remain, they just desire to be in the in-crowd, and by this point they know selfishness to be socially wrong. When puberty hits, two thirds of children abandon religion or shift to a religion different from their parents. The children who abandon religion entirely have normally found rationalism that helps them live a lifestyle more of their own choosing. This conversion can be caused by either guilt, shame in their beliefs, or their intellectual advances begin to point out paradoxes and injustices in religion, that they are unable to rationalize into their religious framework.
For those who abandoned their religion there are three religious awakenings that explain a return. The first is a definite crisis, which means they returned because of some trauma that could only be resolved through a return to God. The second is some type of emotional stimulus, similar to the crisis, but not drastic. Most frequently it is a gradual awakening that is not marked by any identifiable trauma. Most who return to religion become absolutist’s making harsh moral judgments themselves, they believe that God exists because he has to in order to uphold these morals they live by. They also believe that evil must exist, because it is the only way to justify suffering with their moral God. Throughout all of this religion is still aesthetic and thusly appealing.
Allport also did a study on Personal Religious Orientation and Prejudice in 1967. This study advanced his findings on religion and maturity with it’s insights into the overall religious tolerance attitudes of churchgoers and non-churchgoers. In the introduction he sites eight previous studies that had also validated his findings. These studies showed higher rates of intolerance, ethnocentrism, and authoritarianism in those who believed their faith to be internalized.
His study showed that most people were not intrinsic in their religious sentiments, however this was not a key focus, and he did state that Intrinsics were a significant minority. He also concluded that those who were indiscriminately pro religious, the most extrinsic of the bunch, were the highest in levels of intolerance. The intolerance was not restricted only to race but ideologies as in the Kirkpatrick study of 1949 that he sites. Allport’s study concluded that most churchgoers perceived “religion is OK “(Allport 441), he stated that knowing a person is religious has no bearing in the role religion plays in the economy of their lives. Those who exhibited the most intrinsic qualities were those who claimed to have no religious sentiment or those who attended church more often than ten times per month.
According to Peter Berger in his book “The Social Construction of Reality,” Each religion has a different set of morals that they perceive as the ultimate reality. He states the reality of everyday life is taken for granted as the ultimate reality by the suspension of doubt provided by religion in a routine existence. This means that people cling to religion as a means of defining reality, and they attempt to take into their scope, all aspects of the world, while allowing them to fall into the category of temporary reality. The paradoxes, that Allport claims become internalized and differentiated into a persons religious sentiments are simply being filed away, or rationalized as temporarily real. They do this so that they can have the perception of a mature internalized religion, without actually doing any damage or adaptation to their previous religious reality. The reality that they perceive through religion remains so due to faith. It provides a meaning; they were unable to supply themselves with.
Allport’s heuristic phase of mature religion does not exist according to Berger, the religion itself provides the meaning, and it is simply accepted and passed off as being internalized. They go to church in order to see the religious symbols that they have come to integrate into their reality, meaning without these symbols, their reality must change. There is a problem simply binding inconsistencies to the whole, which is what Berger claims Allport’s integration has occurred, without any real transition.
Frederick Feere, in his essay, Mapping the Logic of Models in Science and Theology, points out that incorporation, more often than not, leads to nihilism rather that maturity, because is has a firm hold on the perception of reality, People who are truly mature in their religious sentiments base their entire reality on their religion, and without it nothing is real, therefore, religion endures, simply to maintain the perceived reality of it’s practitioners. Religion hides the vestiges of society’s vested interests; by being exactly what one needs when one needs it, depending on its interpretation.
Mature religion rarely if ever, exists in its “pure” form. Those who supposedly practice an intrinsic faith are merely using better methods of justification and rationalization. Rather than allowing intellectual and moral paradoxes to impede on their faith, they accept and explain away their doubts, while seeming to integrate them into their lives. Immature religion thrives in its purest form as well as in combination with more intrinsic qualities. These mixtures compose pseudo-mature religious sentiments while allowing the blinders of faith to remain. These characteristics are based largely on alternating perceptions of reality and morality, both on the individual and social scale. God is like Santa Claus, every child believes in Santa because his parents tell him he is real. They believe he is keeping a list and checking it twice, just as religious people commonly believe that God is watching over them and making a list for judgment day. Eventually, a child realizes that there are too many inconsistencies with the Santa Clause story and they stop believing in him. With religion and God; these inconsistencies are rationalized away, by either a socializing agent or the perception of integration. This allows for the belief to persist because reality is defined by it. While some people may truly have mature religious sentiments, most who claim, or believe they do, are simply relying on their perception of reality to lead them through their immaturity, to a higher meaning.
“Unless we are dealing with a religious genius – Christ being the example – we must not expect that the religious sentiment, even when mature, will be absolutely consistent” (Allport 64). Mature religion does not exist in its pure form. Those who supposedly practice an intrinsic faith are merely using better methods of justification and rationalization. Rather than allowing intellectual and moral paradoxes impede on their faith, they accept and explain away their doubts, while seeming to integrate them into their lives. Mature religion is possible primarily as a small factor of the overall religious experience. Immature religion thrives in its purest form as well as in combination with more intrinsic qualities. These mixtures compose pseudo-mature religious sentiments while allowing the blinders of faith to remain. No matter how integrated or internalized the religion is into a person’s life, the element of blind faith impedes its practice. Not to mention that these characteristics are based largely on alternating perceptions of reality and morality, both on the individual and social scale.
In Allport's classic study of religion and personality published in 1950, “the Individual and His Religion”, a mature personality is described as having three Objective attributes:
First a variety of psychogenic interests…which concern themselves with ideal objects and values beyond the range of viscerogenic [worldly] desire…second…is the ability to…be reflective and insightful about one’s own life…finally, a mature personality always has some unifying philosophy of life…(Allport 60)
These attributes must be present in order for maturity to exist. Allport defines sentiment as “interest, outlook, or system of beliefs” which are always the product of motivated organization or a system of readiness. When this system of readiness is ingrained, as in driving, it becomes habit. A sentiment does not need to be concrete and can be more abstract, as in devotion. When definitions for maturity and sentiment are applied to religion, the mature religious sentiment is seen as the readiness to react to central principles in life, which are permanent in reality in a manner consistent with one’s belief.
A mature religion is differentiated, meaning all interests are articulated into one thought. It will be dynamic, creating new meanings and motives based on religious sentiment. Following religion will cease to be “going with the flow,” as it becomes autonomous and comprehensive in nature. Mature religion is consistently directive of behavior in order to sustain morality, and direct one’s behaviors in a manner corresponding to their religious morals. The world makes sense, because paradoxes have been integrated into the self and the overall sentiment. Finally, the mature religious individual will have an underlying knowledge of a meaning in life, whether the meaning can be articulated in written or verbal form, or not.
Religious sentiment is more often than not immature. Immature religious sentiment best described, is like brushing your teeth, its habit, something you have to do because you were taught to. The earliest forms of religion in children, according to Allport, are egocentric, and self-gratifying in nature. The child’s imagination and perception control their view of reality. They will often attribute things such as thunderstorms, as personal punishment from God, “just as they think that Santa Claus, whom they often equate with God, pays primary attention to their own private interests” (Allport 32). They are able to easily and quickly justify and/or rationalize things that they perceive as sinful. “WHY?” the question is the most common out of a child’s mouth and when it is not answered, they often allow their imagination to create responses. They see power as the defining role, God is more powerful than dad, and therefore better, they also see God as a humanoid character, recently a superhero. They follow the subtle path of social learning, following their parents’ religion at first rebelling, and frequently returning.
As the child grows and begins to mature, their intelligence, or moral reasoning begins to raise paradoxes in their religion and they either drop it entirely, or follow the model of their elders and become less self-centered in their faith. Their egocentric desires and beliefs still remain, they just desire to be in the in-crowd, and by this point they know selfishness to be socially wrong. When puberty hits, two thirds of children abandon religion or shift to a religion different from their parents. The children who abandon religion entirely have normally found rationalism that helps them live a lifestyle more of their own choosing. This conversion can be caused by either guilt, shame in their beliefs, or their intellectual advances begin to point out paradoxes and injustices in religion, that they are unable to rationalize into their religious framework.
For those who abandoned their religion there are three religious awakenings that explain a return. The first is a definite crisis, which means they returned because of some trauma that could only be resolved through a return to God. The second is some type of emotional stimulus, similar to the crisis, but not drastic. Most frequently it is a gradual awakening that is not marked by any identifiable trauma. Most who return to religion become absolutist’s making harsh moral judgments themselves, they believe that God exists because he has to in order to uphold these morals they live by. They also believe that evil must exist, because it is the only way to justify suffering with their moral God. Throughout all of this religion is still aesthetic and thusly appealing.
Allport also did a study on Personal Religious Orientation and Prejudice in 1967. This study advanced his findings on religion and maturity with it’s insights into the overall religious tolerance attitudes of churchgoers and non-churchgoers. In the introduction he sites eight previous studies that had also validated his findings. These studies showed higher rates of intolerance, ethnocentrism, and authoritarianism in those who believed their faith to be internalized.
His study showed that most people were not intrinsic in their religious sentiments, however this was not a key focus, and he did state that Intrinsics were a significant minority. He also concluded that those who were indiscriminately pro religious, the most extrinsic of the bunch, were the highest in levels of intolerance. The intolerance was not restricted only to race but ideologies as in the Kirkpatrick study of 1949 that he sites. Allport’s study concluded that most churchgoers perceived “religion is OK “(Allport 441), he stated that knowing a person is religious has no bearing in the role religion plays in the economy of their lives. Those who exhibited the most intrinsic qualities were those who claimed to have no religious sentiment or those who attended church more often than ten times per month.
According to Peter Berger in his book “The Social Construction of Reality,” Each religion has a different set of morals that they perceive as the ultimate reality. He states the reality of everyday life is taken for granted as the ultimate reality by the suspension of doubt provided by religion in a routine existence. This means that people cling to religion as a means of defining reality, and they attempt to take into their scope, all aspects of the world, while allowing them to fall into the category of temporary reality. The paradoxes, that Allport claims become internalized and differentiated into a persons religious sentiments are simply being filed away, or rationalized as temporarily real. They do this so that they can have the perception of a mature internalized religion, without actually doing any damage or adaptation to their previous religious reality. The reality that they perceive through religion remains so due to faith. It provides a meaning; they were unable to supply themselves with.
Allport’s heuristic phase of mature religion does not exist according to Berger, the religion itself provides the meaning, and it is simply accepted and passed off as being internalized. They go to church in order to see the religious symbols that they have come to integrate into their reality, meaning without these symbols, their reality must change. There is a problem simply binding inconsistencies to the whole, which is what Berger claims Allport’s integration has occurred, without any real transition.
Frederick Feere, in his essay, Mapping the Logic of Models in Science and Theology, points out that incorporation, more often than not, leads to nihilism rather that maturity, because is has a firm hold on the perception of reality, People who are truly mature in their religious sentiments base their entire reality on their religion, and without it nothing is real, therefore, religion endures, simply to maintain the perceived reality of it’s practitioners. Religion hides the vestiges of society’s vested interests; by being exactly what one needs when one needs it, depending on its interpretation.
Mature religion rarely if ever, exists in its “pure” form. Those who supposedly practice an intrinsic faith are merely using better methods of justification and rationalization. Rather than allowing intellectual and moral paradoxes to impede on their faith, they accept and explain away their doubts, while seeming to integrate them into their lives. Immature religion thrives in its purest form as well as in combination with more intrinsic qualities. These mixtures compose pseudo-mature religious sentiments while allowing the blinders of faith to remain. These characteristics are based largely on alternating perceptions of reality and morality, both on the individual and social scale. God is like Santa Claus, every child believes in Santa because his parents tell him he is real. They believe he is keeping a list and checking it twice, just as religious people commonly believe that God is watching over them and making a list for judgment day. Eventually, a child realizes that there are too many inconsistencies with the Santa Clause story and they stop believing in him. With religion and God; these inconsistencies are rationalized away, by either a socializing agent or the perception of integration. This allows for the belief to persist because reality is defined by it. While some people may truly have mature religious sentiments, most who claim, or believe they do, are simply relying on their perception of reality to lead them through their immaturity, to a higher meaning.
Christianity: Bad Religion, Good Idea
Ok so some of my views have changed since then, this was a paper I wrote in college, but some people have asked me to put it out there so here it is.
Christianity is a religion that evolved from the teachings of one of thousands of Jewish Messiahs crucified during the Roman Empire’s reign in Palestine. At the time there was considerable religious, political, and social strife signifying the inevitable upheaval of the current structure. There was also a firm and determined belief in the coming of a Messiah or great leader resembling the traits of the Jewish King David who would arrive and free God’s chosen people, the Israelites from foreign rule. Jesus’ early followers seemed to possess a poverty stricken distaste for the aristocracy of the Sadducees, who insisted on temple ceremonies and strict interpretation of all six hundred plus Mosaic laws, that is evident in it’s attraction to the underprivileged which can be credited for it’s success and perseverance.
Jesus himself did not write any scriptures and everything that is known about him, basically the foundations for his religion, was written in the New Testament which was constructed nearly six decades after his death by religious devotees in order to propagate their faith. Jesus began to preach about the coming of God and the need to repent in order to enter the kingdom of heaven, Jon the prophet who was a follower of the Essenes who believed in physical resurrection and the immediate coming of God’s kingdom no doubt influenced his beliefs. Jesus taught that every individual’s thoughts, actions, and goals were the determining factor in whether or not one would enter into God’s kingdom. This meant a retreat from humanistic and superficial values such as lust, hostility, and the pursuit of power and wealth and an increase in the purity of the heart and soul characterized by pure love for God first and the fellow man second. Jesus did not seek to destroy the old faith, simply to reform and fulfill it. He expressed his belief that the current state of Judaism was more focused on upholding dogmatic traditions and the obedience of Mosaic Law down to every detail of daily life, which distorted the prophetic value of early teachings. He saw the rules as only propagating the appearance of good faith while ignoring the inner thoughts and being.
It was not until Saint Paul, a Hellenized Jew who had originally been named Saul, began his work as a Jewish Christian missionary that the religion began to separate from Judaism into a new religion. He was key in spreading the Christian message to the non-Jewish. He began to create doctrines that caused a break from Judaism, and taught these to Jews and Gentiles alike. He devised the concept of the original sin of man, and taught that all were sinners because of Adam’s defiance, and Jesus had come to Earth to die on the cross and atone for all mankind’s sin, in order to allow them to gain salvation simply by believing that Jesus had done such. This was propagated by the belief that the individual was wicked by nature and unable to overcome sin alone, and that through baptism they could be cleansed of this wretchedness and develop a personal union with God.
This version of Christianity was appealing because the decline on Hellenism and reason in culture allowed for an increase in emotion and revelation as an answer to social and existential problems. It became the official religion of the Roman Empire in the Fourth Century AD because the mysticism of Christianity had a greater ability to evoke emotion in people than did science and reason. The promise of personal salvation and the “drift away from rational and worldly values helped prepare the way for Christianity” (Perry 155). It offered new hope to those who had been disillusioned by rationality. With the Roman Empire being as vast as it was the individual found it hard to relate themselves to the city-state mentality and searched for a new form of attachment. The message behind Christianity gave hope to those who were disillusioned by the lack of attachment to any larger entity, by defining a loving Father and Devine Savior, possessed by nothing but unconditional brotherly love that was a far cry from the cold vengeful god of old. It filled a vast well of loneliness by offering membership in a community who did nothing but love and care for one another. Christianity provided for the emotional well being of man that was lacking in the Greco-Roman emphasis on self reliance and intellect. It appealed to those who were poor and oppressed, by promising them eternal life in a kingdom of perfection were birth and the status one held in life were unimportant. It gave them a sense of dignity in their faith that they could not find in their socioeconomic structure. It was helped by an overwhelmingly well-structured organization process that was able to grow and increase its numbers, thusly; its sense of community amongst its followers grew very quickly. The religion also appealed to women because it stressed the need for fidelity and kindness in marriage as well as the father’s need to provide for his wife and children. Christianity also began one of its most crucial foundations, the adaptability of its beliefs to encompass other faiths and notions and increase its numbers by increasing its appeal by systematically adopting ideas and concepts from the other religions and cultures it came into contact with.
The Roman Empires vast borders assisted the spread of Christianity as its missionaries were protected on the roads they traveled spreading the gospels by Roman soldiers who kept the roads clear of dangers. Rome did not intend to protect and propagate this strange new faith; in fact, they saw it as a threat to the social order because of their refusal to engage in Roman festivals, as well as their scorn for the promiscuity and violence associated with Roman Bath’s and Gladiators. They preached of allegiance to a single God rather than to the Gods of Rome and its Emperor. Christianity suffered much persecution as a result of being used as a scapegoat for the problems within the Empire itself. They were imprisoned, beaten, crucified, fed to animals in the arena, and burned to death; in efforts to halt its spread. The first reign of persecution was relatively mild. Under Nero in 64 AD there was a bit of local persecution in which few lives were lost. The second wave of persecution was led by Decius in 250 AD and was a much larger scale elimination attempt that was upheld by his successors for another decade. In 303 AD they were subject to Three years of vicious persecution, which scared some away, but ultimately succeeded only in strengthening the resolve of the faithful and attracting new followers who were drawn by the displays of courage that the Martyrs exhibited. Finally the Roman Empire conceded to the Christian Faith and in 313 AD Constantine issued an edict allowing for tolerance of Christians, free flow of information, and the institution of legislation that would be favorable to the church. In 392 AD the Roman Empire switched it’s persecution from Christians to Heretics when it adopted Christianity as its main religion and outlawed the worship of Pagan Gods.
Throughout the centuries following there were constant differences arising between the church in the west dominated by the Pope and that in the east controlled by the Byzantine Emperors who claimed to be successors from the Roman Emperors. They claimed domination over all that was once under Roman rule and refused to allow the Pope any dominion over them. Political and cultural differences as well as differences in language only served to widen the gap until 1054 AD when there was an official split between the Roman Catholic Church and what became the Greek-Orthodox church. It was this split that allowed for the rise of Latin Christendom that evolved into a common European civilization centered on Christianity and the Papal seat of power in Rome, speaking Latin and following Germanic social customs and legal structures. The Germanic invasions and conquering of what was the Roman Empire led to an adaptation of the tribal system of government that was held into a more conventional form, Feudalism, which eventually became the Monarchy.
With Christianity’s organization growing stronger and Roman culture and city life declining, it is not difficult to imagine how crucial a role the Roman Catholic Church had in shaping the civilization of the middle ages. The church succeeded in taming the Germanic conquerors by stressing a higher emphasis on nonviolence and morals, and opened their eyes to new ideas through the scraps of Greek civilization it had managed to spare from the invader’s pillaging. “In a dying world, the church was the only institution capable of reconstructing civilized life” (Perry 183). God Had Created the church to guide his love and protection to his people, and life without the church was inconceivable.
Later in the middle ages, the church played off a growing spiritual vitality as well as rising economic conditions and political stability to increase its power. It also manipulated its activity in a holy war against Muslims to increase devotion in its followers and shape social institutions into following Devine standards set forth by the church in Rome. This was done through many means including the instigation of the sacrament, which could only be administered by the church and was seen as necessary to fulfill the personal relationship with God. The church also adapted its idea of excommunication, which was expulsion from the church, and abandonment of the individual by God, guaranteeing Damnation and eternal suffering in death. The church adapted the seven sacraments of baptism, confirmation, matrimony, extreme unction for the dying, the Eucharist (recreation of the last supper, held during Mass), penance, and ordination. These sacraments were necessary for absolution and enabled the church to exude a level of social control that it deemed desirable.
It was not long before the church itself began being infiltrated by conspiracies and assassination plots as the church gained more power and the power bestowed on high-ranking officials was also increased. As a response to the lacking morals in the clergy, the Gregorian reform occurred. This stressed a return to spirituality and a decline from the behaviors that Jesus himself abhorred. Pope Gregory fought to separate the church from being under the rule of any kingdom and strengthen its morals by giving it more dominance over government than government had over it. He excommunicated many clergymen who had been deemed immoral and forbade priests with wives or concubines from Mass. He even went so far as to excommunicate the King of Germany, which resulted in Civil wars and the increase in the churches prestige by forcing the King to beg the church for forgiveness simply to maintain rule.
The Crusades were another step in social control for the Christian Church. It served to channel the warrior desires of the Germanic followers in aggression against those who would not accept the churches authority. The crusades were also an attempt to bring the eastern sect back under Papal control. The church gave knights that were fighting the crusade an image of a Devine pilgrim armed to the teeth, ready to strike out and take back holy lands and increase faith in their God by force, while crushing the evil Muslim faith. Pope Urban even allowed for participation in the crusades to be an act of penance and admissible as a way of demonstrating sorrow for sins, basically allowing your sins to be forgiven by killing and torturing enemies of the church. After two centuries and a number of crusades, the zeal for crusading had faded when it became apparent that the church was using the wars simply to extend its power and dominion over the world.
After centuries of suppressing knowledge and destroying intellect to keep the common faithful and in ignorant blind obedience, the church can be accredited for reviving what it originally suppressed, learning. It established monastic and cathedral schools to teach the fundamentals of reading and the teachings in the Bible to students. The church also supported the large organized bodies that were spontaneously developing into universities, in which one could learn from a variety of subjects including church law and theology (considered the Queen of sciences), once they were fully prepared. Strangely university students then seemed to enjoy playing more than studying and would often engage in drinking and fighting (socializing), much like they do today. It was this new emphasis on learning which paved the way for the renaissance and the age of enlightenment, which can both be attributed to shaping, or at least laying the groundwork for the modern worldview. The renaissance was an age of art and culture, a return to emotions and ideologies without neglecting the intellect and rational thought as early Christianity had. The renaissance can also be attributed to major changes in political and religious thought, changes that led to the European Revolution, the French Revolution, and even the American Revolution.
It is said that without a belief in God it is impossible to be happy or virtuous. As to virtue, I can only speak from observation, not from experience. As to happiness, neither experience nor observation has led me to believe that believers were either happier or unhappier than non-believers. It is customary to find grandiose reasons for unhappiness, because it is easier to be proud if one can attribute ones misery to a lack of faith than on their own true problems and personal failings. As to morality, a great deal depends on how one interprets the term, for my part, I think the important virtues are intelligence and kindness. Intelligence is impeded by any creed and kindness is inhibited by the belief in sin and punishment.
I do not believe that a decay of dogmatic beliefs can do anything but good. I admit at once that new systems of dogma such as those of the Nazi’s and the Communists are even worse than the old systems, but they could never have gained popularity and a following without a foundation in orthodox dogmatic habits instilled in the youth. Stalin’s language is full of reminiscences of the theological seminary he attended. What the world needs is not dogma but an attitude of scientific inquiry combined with the belief that the systematic torture of millions is not desirable, whether inflicted by Stalin, Hitler, or a Deity imagined in the likeness of the believer.
Christianity is a religion that evolved from the teachings of one of thousands of Jewish Messiahs crucified during the Roman Empire’s reign in Palestine. At the time there was considerable religious, political, and social strife signifying the inevitable upheaval of the current structure. There was also a firm and determined belief in the coming of a Messiah or great leader resembling the traits of the Jewish King David who would arrive and free God’s chosen people, the Israelites from foreign rule. Jesus’ early followers seemed to possess a poverty stricken distaste for the aristocracy of the Sadducees, who insisted on temple ceremonies and strict interpretation of all six hundred plus Mosaic laws, that is evident in it’s attraction to the underprivileged which can be credited for it’s success and perseverance.
Jesus himself did not write any scriptures and everything that is known about him, basically the foundations for his religion, was written in the New Testament which was constructed nearly six decades after his death by religious devotees in order to propagate their faith. Jesus began to preach about the coming of God and the need to repent in order to enter the kingdom of heaven, Jon the prophet who was a follower of the Essenes who believed in physical resurrection and the immediate coming of God’s kingdom no doubt influenced his beliefs. Jesus taught that every individual’s thoughts, actions, and goals were the determining factor in whether or not one would enter into God’s kingdom. This meant a retreat from humanistic and superficial values such as lust, hostility, and the pursuit of power and wealth and an increase in the purity of the heart and soul characterized by pure love for God first and the fellow man second. Jesus did not seek to destroy the old faith, simply to reform and fulfill it. He expressed his belief that the current state of Judaism was more focused on upholding dogmatic traditions and the obedience of Mosaic Law down to every detail of daily life, which distorted the prophetic value of early teachings. He saw the rules as only propagating the appearance of good faith while ignoring the inner thoughts and being.
It was not until Saint Paul, a Hellenized Jew who had originally been named Saul, began his work as a Jewish Christian missionary that the religion began to separate from Judaism into a new religion. He was key in spreading the Christian message to the non-Jewish. He began to create doctrines that caused a break from Judaism, and taught these to Jews and Gentiles alike. He devised the concept of the original sin of man, and taught that all were sinners because of Adam’s defiance, and Jesus had come to Earth to die on the cross and atone for all mankind’s sin, in order to allow them to gain salvation simply by believing that Jesus had done such. This was propagated by the belief that the individual was wicked by nature and unable to overcome sin alone, and that through baptism they could be cleansed of this wretchedness and develop a personal union with God.
This version of Christianity was appealing because the decline on Hellenism and reason in culture allowed for an increase in emotion and revelation as an answer to social and existential problems. It became the official religion of the Roman Empire in the Fourth Century AD because the mysticism of Christianity had a greater ability to evoke emotion in people than did science and reason. The promise of personal salvation and the “drift away from rational and worldly values helped prepare the way for Christianity” (Perry 155). It offered new hope to those who had been disillusioned by rationality. With the Roman Empire being as vast as it was the individual found it hard to relate themselves to the city-state mentality and searched for a new form of attachment. The message behind Christianity gave hope to those who were disillusioned by the lack of attachment to any larger entity, by defining a loving Father and Devine Savior, possessed by nothing but unconditional brotherly love that was a far cry from the cold vengeful god of old. It filled a vast well of loneliness by offering membership in a community who did nothing but love and care for one another. Christianity provided for the emotional well being of man that was lacking in the Greco-Roman emphasis on self reliance and intellect. It appealed to those who were poor and oppressed, by promising them eternal life in a kingdom of perfection were birth and the status one held in life were unimportant. It gave them a sense of dignity in their faith that they could not find in their socioeconomic structure. It was helped by an overwhelmingly well-structured organization process that was able to grow and increase its numbers, thusly; its sense of community amongst its followers grew very quickly. The religion also appealed to women because it stressed the need for fidelity and kindness in marriage as well as the father’s need to provide for his wife and children. Christianity also began one of its most crucial foundations, the adaptability of its beliefs to encompass other faiths and notions and increase its numbers by increasing its appeal by systematically adopting ideas and concepts from the other religions and cultures it came into contact with.
The Roman Empires vast borders assisted the spread of Christianity as its missionaries were protected on the roads they traveled spreading the gospels by Roman soldiers who kept the roads clear of dangers. Rome did not intend to protect and propagate this strange new faith; in fact, they saw it as a threat to the social order because of their refusal to engage in Roman festivals, as well as their scorn for the promiscuity and violence associated with Roman Bath’s and Gladiators. They preached of allegiance to a single God rather than to the Gods of Rome and its Emperor. Christianity suffered much persecution as a result of being used as a scapegoat for the problems within the Empire itself. They were imprisoned, beaten, crucified, fed to animals in the arena, and burned to death; in efforts to halt its spread. The first reign of persecution was relatively mild. Under Nero in 64 AD there was a bit of local persecution in which few lives were lost. The second wave of persecution was led by Decius in 250 AD and was a much larger scale elimination attempt that was upheld by his successors for another decade. In 303 AD they were subject to Three years of vicious persecution, which scared some away, but ultimately succeeded only in strengthening the resolve of the faithful and attracting new followers who were drawn by the displays of courage that the Martyrs exhibited. Finally the Roman Empire conceded to the Christian Faith and in 313 AD Constantine issued an edict allowing for tolerance of Christians, free flow of information, and the institution of legislation that would be favorable to the church. In 392 AD the Roman Empire switched it’s persecution from Christians to Heretics when it adopted Christianity as its main religion and outlawed the worship of Pagan Gods.
Throughout the centuries following there were constant differences arising between the church in the west dominated by the Pope and that in the east controlled by the Byzantine Emperors who claimed to be successors from the Roman Emperors. They claimed domination over all that was once under Roman rule and refused to allow the Pope any dominion over them. Political and cultural differences as well as differences in language only served to widen the gap until 1054 AD when there was an official split between the Roman Catholic Church and what became the Greek-Orthodox church. It was this split that allowed for the rise of Latin Christendom that evolved into a common European civilization centered on Christianity and the Papal seat of power in Rome, speaking Latin and following Germanic social customs and legal structures. The Germanic invasions and conquering of what was the Roman Empire led to an adaptation of the tribal system of government that was held into a more conventional form, Feudalism, which eventually became the Monarchy.
With Christianity’s organization growing stronger and Roman culture and city life declining, it is not difficult to imagine how crucial a role the Roman Catholic Church had in shaping the civilization of the middle ages. The church succeeded in taming the Germanic conquerors by stressing a higher emphasis on nonviolence and morals, and opened their eyes to new ideas through the scraps of Greek civilization it had managed to spare from the invader’s pillaging. “In a dying world, the church was the only institution capable of reconstructing civilized life” (Perry 183). God Had Created the church to guide his love and protection to his people, and life without the church was inconceivable.
Later in the middle ages, the church played off a growing spiritual vitality as well as rising economic conditions and political stability to increase its power. It also manipulated its activity in a holy war against Muslims to increase devotion in its followers and shape social institutions into following Devine standards set forth by the church in Rome. This was done through many means including the instigation of the sacrament, which could only be administered by the church and was seen as necessary to fulfill the personal relationship with God. The church also adapted its idea of excommunication, which was expulsion from the church, and abandonment of the individual by God, guaranteeing Damnation and eternal suffering in death. The church adapted the seven sacraments of baptism, confirmation, matrimony, extreme unction for the dying, the Eucharist (recreation of the last supper, held during Mass), penance, and ordination. These sacraments were necessary for absolution and enabled the church to exude a level of social control that it deemed desirable.
It was not long before the church itself began being infiltrated by conspiracies and assassination plots as the church gained more power and the power bestowed on high-ranking officials was also increased. As a response to the lacking morals in the clergy, the Gregorian reform occurred. This stressed a return to spirituality and a decline from the behaviors that Jesus himself abhorred. Pope Gregory fought to separate the church from being under the rule of any kingdom and strengthen its morals by giving it more dominance over government than government had over it. He excommunicated many clergymen who had been deemed immoral and forbade priests with wives or concubines from Mass. He even went so far as to excommunicate the King of Germany, which resulted in Civil wars and the increase in the churches prestige by forcing the King to beg the church for forgiveness simply to maintain rule.
The Crusades were another step in social control for the Christian Church. It served to channel the warrior desires of the Germanic followers in aggression against those who would not accept the churches authority. The crusades were also an attempt to bring the eastern sect back under Papal control. The church gave knights that were fighting the crusade an image of a Devine pilgrim armed to the teeth, ready to strike out and take back holy lands and increase faith in their God by force, while crushing the evil Muslim faith. Pope Urban even allowed for participation in the crusades to be an act of penance and admissible as a way of demonstrating sorrow for sins, basically allowing your sins to be forgiven by killing and torturing enemies of the church. After two centuries and a number of crusades, the zeal for crusading had faded when it became apparent that the church was using the wars simply to extend its power and dominion over the world.
After centuries of suppressing knowledge and destroying intellect to keep the common faithful and in ignorant blind obedience, the church can be accredited for reviving what it originally suppressed, learning. It established monastic and cathedral schools to teach the fundamentals of reading and the teachings in the Bible to students. The church also supported the large organized bodies that were spontaneously developing into universities, in which one could learn from a variety of subjects including church law and theology (considered the Queen of sciences), once they were fully prepared. Strangely university students then seemed to enjoy playing more than studying and would often engage in drinking and fighting (socializing), much like they do today. It was this new emphasis on learning which paved the way for the renaissance and the age of enlightenment, which can both be attributed to shaping, or at least laying the groundwork for the modern worldview. The renaissance was an age of art and culture, a return to emotions and ideologies without neglecting the intellect and rational thought as early Christianity had. The renaissance can also be attributed to major changes in political and religious thought, changes that led to the European Revolution, the French Revolution, and even the American Revolution.
It is said that without a belief in God it is impossible to be happy or virtuous. As to virtue, I can only speak from observation, not from experience. As to happiness, neither experience nor observation has led me to believe that believers were either happier or unhappier than non-believers. It is customary to find grandiose reasons for unhappiness, because it is easier to be proud if one can attribute ones misery to a lack of faith than on their own true problems and personal failings. As to morality, a great deal depends on how one interprets the term, for my part, I think the important virtues are intelligence and kindness. Intelligence is impeded by any creed and kindness is inhibited by the belief in sin and punishment.
I do not believe that a decay of dogmatic beliefs can do anything but good. I admit at once that new systems of dogma such as those of the Nazi’s and the Communists are even worse than the old systems, but they could never have gained popularity and a following without a foundation in orthodox dogmatic habits instilled in the youth. Stalin’s language is full of reminiscences of the theological seminary he attended. What the world needs is not dogma but an attitude of scientific inquiry combined with the belief that the systematic torture of millions is not desirable, whether inflicted by Stalin, Hitler, or a Deity imagined in the likeness of the believer.
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